One day I received a letter from one of my sons. This paragraph specifically caught my attention:
“I wish getting back up was as easy as you made it seem. That’s why I admire you. I want to know what life really is. I want to know how to not just love but to fully understand a person. I chose to stay with you so that I can learn to forgive and not hold things up inside of me.”
As you can imagine, I have read this letter several times. If it was a record, it would have been scratched by now! Every time I am faced with another obstacle, I return to this letter. As the years go by, I searched deeper within myself for answers to many of life’s questions.
Forgiveness
I have been wronged many times throughout my life as many other persons might have. I am a loving person. I love selflessly and hard. It’s all I know how to do as I grew up in a home full of love. But being so naive with my love has led to many persons using and abusing me. Matthew 7: 6 “Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces. I wish I had understood that scripture earlier in my life.
Some persons saw me as weak because I chose to be humble, loving, and kind. However, it takes great strength to be loving, humble, and kind. The moment I understood that I was ok with being who I am. But by the time I got to that understanding, I have already been broken in so many places. Then I heard Lisa Nichols saying this ” Do not be afraid to be UNAPOLOGETICALLY AMAZING!” I decided then that no matter what obstacles come my way, I will be UNAPOLOGETICALLY AMAZING.
Children see what you do
Children may not say much, but they observe and they hear even when we think they are not hearing. So one day my son asked me “mom, how do you still love them when they treat you so badly?” At first, I felt embarrassed almost like I let my son down. But I responded by explaining to him what unforgiveness does to the spirit and the soul of man. I did not want that inside of me. God has forgiven me for my many sins, and I chose to forgive others of the sins that they committed against me. Forgiving them frees me to love and to live!
“For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: … But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father”.
Matthew 6: 14-15
Certainly, it has not been an easy road for me or my children. I have had conversations with God begging Him to allow me to hate some people, even for a moment. But it never worked. I guess once the spirit of God lives in you His character will shine through you. I also grew to understand that what others do to you cannot defile you. You cannot control how others think about you. But how you respond to how others treat you can defile you. Who says life was fair?
“Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and, above all, confidence in ourselves. We must believe we are gifted for something and that this thing must be attained.”
– Marie Curie
My Better Angels
I now recognised that my better angels have been keeping me through all of life’s storms. Learning to smile when I am Afraid. Learning to love a little more when I really want to hate. Learning to stand when I want to sit and cry. Learning to get up and keep going even when there is no strength left in me. Learning to keep silent when I really want to scream from the top of my lungs. Learning to trust when I am unsure. learning that hope differed makes the heart sick. My better angels have kept me!
“She was powerful not because she wasn’t scared but because she went on so strongly, despite the fear.”
– Atticus
So, to my son and everyone who has asked me the same questions, I love because I am loved. I forgive because I am forgiven. It’s an intentional choice. Love does not come with requirements. Love just is! If I had to relive all the pain and trauma that life had sent me, I would do it all over again just to be the mother of my children, the counselor to my clients, and the teacher to my students. Especially to my son, YOU ARE LOVED! Now go out and be UNAPOLOGETICALLY AMAZING.
D Marie
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Beautiful
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Thank you for sharing! We need this! Sister hood and wellness is so important for psychological and spiritual health.
Blessings. Thank you for your comment!
Forgiveness is such a powerful liberator from the jails of the past. Past mistakes, past disappointments, past heartbreak. In all of our forgiving, let’s not forget to forgive self. Thanks for sharing Dawn.